GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
