I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
