Ambien. No doubt about it.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
