Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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