I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
