I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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