he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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