I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
