thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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