Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
