Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
