Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
