hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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