Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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