I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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