i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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