"it" just moved
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just pee around me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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