Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
