went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
