I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
