Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize