I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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