I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
