i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
