We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
