Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
