she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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