I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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