glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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