And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
