please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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