Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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