Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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