shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
