I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
is wine microwaveable?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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