VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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