He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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