I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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