I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
