in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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