i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
