I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
