i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
