watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just want nice things and good sex
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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