I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
