I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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