I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
