too bad you live with your parents still
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
