after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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