I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
