The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
