i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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