I think im going to throw up on grandma
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize