My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
