i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
