No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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