I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Randomize
