11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
