I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
