If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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