If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
