6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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