he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
