Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
