so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
